u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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