I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
