Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
