I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
