I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
