Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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