i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
