Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize