There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
