I want to stick my p in your. b.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
