i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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