well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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