Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
