Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
