dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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