what day is it and did you see me today?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
