I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
