who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
