I wannas sexs uuuuu
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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