I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
