so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
