Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
