no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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