is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
