I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I cockslap morals
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
vagina is talking i cant
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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