I need help removing her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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