planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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