Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
