my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
