I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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