4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
