I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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