maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
