My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
