i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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