Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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