I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize