When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
