i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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