Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize