You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
