The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You left your phone here
Wait...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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