why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
