i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do vagina's smell?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
