Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
