I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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