We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
