Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
