Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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