I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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