i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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