Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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