So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
