Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
