Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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