I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
