so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
