I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't turn off my feet"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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