don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
