Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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