every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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