lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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