im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
foreskin is a definite game changer
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
