the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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