I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
