4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
