took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
