today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
