i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
