just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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