Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
