I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pants are for mortals
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
