why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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