i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
