I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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