Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
