Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize