I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
