Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
