I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
