That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
