you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
