we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
