Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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