My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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