I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
