My liver just broke up with me...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i will never coherently bang her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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