I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
