i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
