If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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