the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
