How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
