Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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