Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
