You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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