I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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