We need to rekindle our bromance
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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