There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize