i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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