i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
