Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
