so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
