Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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