dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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