You can't special order awesome
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
