How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
