I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
