There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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