apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
