my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
