we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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